Month: October 2012
POTD: Harold & The Kisses
Since I’ve started this new job, I only get to see my parents on Sunday. Some may say that’s a really good thing, but I do miss them terribly.
My mom’s an aficionado of terrible B movies, and once again last night she didn’t disappoint. Since she rules the roost when it comes to just about everything the remote control, we were subjected to watching another Rebecca DeMornay classic, “Mother’s Day”.
Two hours of slash, stab, shoot, burn, torture, tying with Saran Wrap and… oh what the hell, let’s stab ’em once again just in case.
It is in times like these when I turn around and catch Harold gripping on his favorite “brotha from another mutha”, The Kisses.
They say that the more you live with an animal the more you start looking alike.
Begs the question: Orchid? Where you hidin’ your shrimp tail missyhoohoo?
(And that’s my 5th blog entry in one week. I’m happy to announce that the NOFM ain’t gettin’ my five bucks this week! So SUCK IT!)
Oh No No John… I AM THE WALRUS!
Have you ever seen a walrus sweat? No, neither have I.
That’s until I took a good gander at the photos from last “Caturday”, when I partook in a yoga challenge/fundraiser.
Jesus, when did I get so fat?!?
Time to quit making excuses and get back into a hard riding routine. Otherwise I’m liable to contract a bad case of “Secretary Spread” in my new gig.
(I’m really writing this entry so Orchid can let me off my stickk contract, but I don’t see any relief in sight).
My fellow yogini and pal Kerrie decided that one more sex-trafficked girl was too much, and she was gonna make us all pay $108 AND do 108 sun salutations for the cause.
After several months of planning and networking, everything came to a head and I unexpectedly found myself front and center of the fray. My inexhaustible mat and I at the base of Walter Pyramid, facing a three-hour trial.
One hamstring-soul-crushing solar overheated salutation at a time.
But I did it, and you know when they say, “I got out of it more than I gave”?
Amusingly enough that’s exactly what happened.
Twelve yoga teachers where there to lead the practice, and I’ve had the pleasure of knowing and learning from six of them.
It brought up memories of my own practice.
My yogic history on my beautiful mat, which, by the way, was a gift from the late great Leticia Corral. I suspect she purchased it at the Marshalls in Montebello.
All the hours of dedication. The smiling through the struggle. The ego driven frustrations, and the final success through letting go. Let’s not even talk about how it took me an entire year to gather up the courage to tackle an Ashtanga class.
I know who I am when I’m practicing. All those parts of me which I generally dislike, question, or distrust just don’t exist.
So I was once again reminded of why I’m destined to be a yoga teacher and re-directed towards mine own golden path.
Other than the obvious fact that I’d KICK ASS AT IT.
Hey, I’m just sayin…
Was Cupid Off The Clock?
I’m angry. Angry and feral.
Never a good combination while tackling the front desk of a busy yoga studio. I’m hopped up on baked goods and hungover from cheap sparkling wine.
My descent into this lowly state began right here, where I’m sitting now. Almost a year ago. I had agreed to cover someone’s Wednesday night front desk shift and the last class was about to start. The instructor wasn’t really into teaching anything to anyone, and we only had one student so far.
While we all waited to see if anyone else would show up, the teacher brought up the subject of her current dating situation, and the student and I gave one another that knowing look which screamed, “ONLINE DATER!” Nothing wrong with it. Never done it myself, until….
Ok, so this is how the conversation went:
Teacher: (making a stinkface) “Mmm… I don’t know if I’m going to go out with him. He has piercings and his lobes are stretched”
Student: (in earnest, Latina Style) “You know what? Try Ok Cupid. That’s where I met my new boyfriend”
Me (thinking to myself whilst slouched down on my chair, half contributing to the conversation and half playing with my new iPhone 4s): “I wonder if they have an app for it?”
Ten minutes later I’m downloaded, signed up, photo uploaded, and submitting answers to various questions all the while.
Me: “Hey look, I have three quiver matches!”.
Before I could look up my companions had dead cold stopped their conversation, turned towards me, and with the pinpoint accuracy of a banshee to a newborn, they descended on me “in stereo”. One to the right the other to the left. Fangs out, knuckles squeezing, eyes gaping with squirrely delight. (Well not really, but is sounds infinitely more interesting than how it really went down)
Needless to say that was almost a year ago, and I think I’m ready to share the highlights of my adventures. There’s nothing informative or redeeming about them, but I’ve been kissing a lot of frogs, so where the hell is my prince? And he better look like a nerdy Jesus. I’m just sayin’…
Badass Quote Of The Week (John Waters)
You’ll Have To Pry It From My Dead Cold Hands Maggie
And thus it begins…
Saturday I was over at a friend’s house and after a chat about this and that she mentioned stikk.com.
It’s a website dedicated to the procrastinator in all of us who needs to get moving and “giterdun”.
She asked me if I would be her referee, but we both knew that I needed to join more than she did.
Today is Monday October 22nd, and after exactly a year of owning adventuresinstrangeland.com I’m finally starting the blog.
I’ve had the genius idea of combining everything and anything which interests me, instead of having a different URL for each subject matter. I’m such a scatterbrain, it’s only right.
So what’s my challenge?
I’ve got twenty weeks to write five entries per week, otherwise see that little cherub with the bad page haircut on top? Her former employer gets my $100.
For those of you who don’t know who she is, that’s Maggie Gallagher.
She was once the president and chairman of the National Organization for Marriage.
Apparently some self-anointed bunch of assholes who oppose same sex marriage and/or other kinds of legal recognition.
I’m not much of a joiner and I’m horribly unpolitical, but no one is gonna stop my gay uncles George and Bill from someday meeting that special someone and making the biggest mistake of their lives. At least not while I’m around!
Adventures In Strangeland 