I’m angry. Angry and feral.

Never a good combination while tackling the front desk of a busy yoga studio. I’m hopped up on baked goods and hungover from cheap sparkling wine.

My descent into this lowly state began right here, where I’m sitting now. Almost a year ago. I had agreed to cover someone’s Wednesday night front desk shift and the last class was about to start. The instructor wasn’t really into teaching anything to anyone, and we only had one student so far.

While we all waited to see if anyone else would show up, the teacher brought up the subject of her current dating situation, and the student and I gave one another that knowing look which screamed, “ONLINE DATER!” Nothing wrong with it. Never done it myself, until….

Ok, so this is how the conversation went:

Teacher: (making a stinkface) “Mmm… I don’t know if I’m going to go out with him. He has piercings and his lobes are stretched”

Student: (in earnest, Latina Style) “You know what? Try Ok Cupid. That’s where I met my new boyfriend”

Me (thinking to myself whilst slouched down on my chair, half contributing to the conversation and half playing with my new iPhone 4s): “I wonder if they have an app for it?”

Ten minutes later I’m downloaded, signed up, photo uploaded, and submitting answers to various questions all the while.

Me: “Hey look, I have three quiver matches!”.

Before I could look up my companions had dead cold stopped their conversation, turned towards me, and with the pinpoint accuracy of a banshee to a newborn, they descended on me “in stereo”. One to the right the other to the left. Fangs out, knuckles squeezing, eyes gaping with squirrely delight. (Well not really, but is sounds infinitely more interesting than how it really went down)

Needless to say that was almost a year ago, and I think I’m ready to share the highlights of my adventures. There’s nothing informative or redeeming about them, but I’ve been kissing a lot of frogs, so where the hell is my prince? And he better look like a nerdy Jesus. I’m just sayin’…